LAB MONITORING SYSTEM
WARNING: MUTATION RISK HIGH
Mutation Rate
Meme Potency
DNA Sequence Analysis
Containment Status
BREACHED
Specimens Escaped: 6/9
THE MAD SCIENCE BEHIND $REKT
We're not just building a token, we're creating an unholy abomination of science and memes that would make Dr. Frankenstein say "that's too far, bro."
Genetic Degen-eering
We're splicing DNA with JPEGs. Our scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should. (Narrator: They shouldn't.)
Copium Research
Our lab is developing new forms of hopium and copium that can survive even the harshest bear markets. Side effects include diamond hands and saying 'we're still early' for 5 years.
Meme Necromancy
We're digging up dead memes and zapping them back to life with 1.21 gigawatts of pure cringe. Even Harambe said 'leave me in peace, please.'
Rugonomics
Our tokenomics are so revolutionary, they make Ponzi schemes look like index funds. The SEC has a dedicated team just to study our whitepaper. Bullish!
* Not financial advice. Not scientific advice. Not advice of any kind. Our legal team is just a Magic 8-Ball with a tie.
THE $REKT ORIGIN STORY
How we stole acquired our specimens from the world's leading de-extinction company
CNN EXCLUSIVE
Dire Wolf De-Extinction: Science Miracle or Catastrophe Waiting to Happen?
Colossal Biosciences has successfully cloned the first dire wolf specimen, extinct for over 10,000 years. Scientists call it a "breakthrough," while our $REKT team calls it "free real estate."
VENTURE BEAT REPORT
Colossal Raises $200M to De-extinct Woolly Mammoth, Thylacine, and Dodo
Venture capitalists are throwing money at de-extinction technology. Meanwhile, our $REKT team's "borrowing" of genetic samples has gone completely unnoticed. Bullish!
OPERATION: MIDNIGHT HEIST
SECURITY LEVEL: TOP SECRET | DATE: 04/20/2025
MISSION STATUS: Complete Success
Our team has successfully infiltrated Colossal Biosciences' main laboratory facility during their company holiday party. While their scientists were busy discussing how they're "saving biodiversity" and "advancing science," our operatives were liberating genetic samples from their so-called "secure storage."
"We didn't steal anything. We simply performed a hostile takeover of genetic assets that were being underutilized by traditional science. This is just DeFi principles applied to biology."
— Dr. Degen, Chief Scientific Degenerate
Specimens acquired include the dire wolf (now our "Moon Howler"), woolly mammoth (our "HODL Mammoth"), thylacine (our "Stripey McRugface"), and dodo (our "Dodo Degen"). All specimens have been modified with our proprietary meme-enhancing formula.
NOTE: If anyone from Colossal asks, we have no idea why their specimens are now obsessed with crypto terminology and keep trying to set up MetaMask wallets.
DOCUMENT ID: REKT-420-69
REZZUREKTED SPECIMENS
Behold our unholy abominations! These once-extinct creatures have been dragged back from the void, genetically modified, and pumped full of radioactive meme juice. Nature said no, we said YOLO.
Stripey McRugface (Tasmanian Tiger)
Extinct since 1936, this marsupial predator has been resurrected using fat-tailed dunnart DNA to aid Australian biodiversity and meme economy.
Dodo Degen (The OG REKT Bird)
This flightless bird, gone since the 17th century, has been engineered from Nicobar pigeon genes to return to Mauritius and your meme collection.
Mammoth HODL (Diamond Tusks)
The iconic ice age giant, extinct for thousands of years, now reborn with cynical gaze and ready to stomp on weak memes.
Moon Howler (Dire Degen)
Colossal Biosciences' first success story - the dire wolf is back from extinction through advanced genetic engineering and ready to howl at the moon.
Wen Lambo Birb (Ex-Passenger Pigeon)
Once numbering billions, extinct since 1914, now resurrected using band-tailed pigeon DNA and the essence of dank memes.
REKTasaurus Flex (T-Rex)
The OG apex predator, extinct for 65 million years, now reborn as the ultimate diamond-clawed degen. Too rare to sell, too green to fail.
LAB DISASTERS
Not all experiments go as planned. Here are some of our most catastrophic failures that escaped containment. Invest at your own risk, these abominations might be coming for your wallet next.
The Rug Pull Platypus
We tried to resurrect a platypus but it absorbed all our liquidity and disappeared. Last seen in the Bahamas with our dev wallet.
FUD Mammoth
This mammoth spreads FUD in the Telegram group whenever the chart dips 2%. We've tried banning it, but it keeps creating new accounts.
Diamond Hands Dinosaur
Hasn't sold a single token despite being down 99.9%. Still tweets 'we're so early' every day. Possibly brain damaged from the resurrection process.
CONTAINMENT BREACHES
SECURITY BREACH ALERT
EMERGENCY: Specimens #42 and #69 have broken containment! Last seen heading toward the nearest crypto exchange. If spotted, DO NOT approach - these creatures can smell paper hands from miles away.
THE GREAT RUGPULL ESCAPE
Our mammoth specimen has escaped with 69% of our liquidity! The frog and bird specimens appear to be accomplices. Security footage shows them yelling "RUGPULL!" before disappearing into the metaverse with a bag of tokens.
WARNING TO INVESTORS
Our lab has experienced 42 containment breaches this month alone. If you encounter any of these specimens in the wild, DO NOT approach them. They are known to drain wallets, spread misinformation, and occasionally cause total financial collapse. Invest in $REKT at your own risk - our legal team made us say that.